


Give Me Your Forever

by Inspirationfeedscreatiivity



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Biting, Blood Drinking, Bloodplay, Death, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Smut, Vamp!Laura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 14:19:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4963975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inspirationfeedscreatiivity/pseuds/Inspirationfeedscreatiivity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All they want is an everlasting tomorrow, a forever, an always, but nothing comes easy and they don´t have the odds on their side.</p><p>Or,</p><p>the one in which Laura could possibly be turning into a vampire and Carmilla puts all of her shattered hope on it</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give Me Your Forever

**Author's Note:**

> if you´re not okay with self-harm, blood or pain then, well, you´ve been warned

It started off easy. She fell in love with the energetic bundle of too much hope and too little experience, like a seed grows into a flourishing flower. It took time, time Carmilla definitely had and could spend on doing practically nothing at all. It also took more than just a few arguments, quiet nights listening to the young girl slowly falling asleep and long walks under the lonely moon. It started off easy, like a tide washing over more and more sand until it had covered her completely, until it had soaked her whole being.

Eternity was never something she desired, a good life would have been more than enough to satisfy her. When a forever was given to her without her being able to reject it, it took a toll at her mind and an even worse one at her sanity. She went crazy, _mad_  kind of crazy. Her innocence was dipped in dark red shades, the colors of hundreds of people who paid with their life to her bloodthirst. Only, she paid that same price. More than once.

She still sees the faces of all her victims in her dreams.

She never asked for this. Although, in her own twisted way she's glad it happened.

"Are you sure about this?", she whispers and the younger girl looks up at her from where she's lying with her head in Carmilla's lap, she looks up with furrowed brows and confused eyes.

"Of course I am", she answers without a second slipping by them. "Are you?".

In the void of Carmilla's chest a hollow memory of a heartbeat picking up its pace sends warm vibrations through her cold body.

She would be lying if she said that she was certain. If she said that she truly believed that this was the right choice. Because it isn't the right one. What they are about to do is wrong on so many levels it makes her fingers tingle, as they do when she's put in a situation she would like to get out right that second.

Though, she wants this.

She wants it with all her body, all of her empty shell and forevers. It's selfish. _She_  is selfish for wanting it this much. Still, even though she has lived more lifetimes than anyone should and taken advantage of all its perks, she has never once wanted to share _her own_  forever. Not until Laura came into her life with all her innocence, all her stupid hopes, all of those silly dreams and bright, oh so bright, eyes filled with more life than Carmilla had ever felt in all her lifetime.

"I love you", is all she can answer.

A gentle hand comes up to pull back a few strands of hair tickling at Carmilla's cheek, Laura's hand fixes the curls behind Carmilla's ear and then her hand travels back to her neck. Carmilla leans into the touch, she can't help herself, because it feels so good to be in Laura's hands, to be touched by Laura in the most precious way. That same hand pulls her closer down to Laura's face and the smile touching upon Laura's lips just before she presses her mouth to Carmilla´s is the only answer Carmilla needs.

It's the only answer she'll ever need.

* * *

_“So how does it work?”, the young girl asks as she slumps down on top of her bed._

_“I will have to kill you”. There is no gentle way to put it. So she doesn't even try to make it seem less horrific or violent than what it is. Even if it could possibly make the brunette take off within the blink of an eye. Maybe it would be for the best if she did. It is for the best, Carmilla knows it is. Still, the words don´t feel easy on her lips. Her right hand comes up and runs through her hair, pulling it back from the hairline and through to the ends. Her long black curls fall back into place as soon as her hand leaves them. Her tongue peeks out and licks at her lips. A habit she have not yet been able to get rid off. “My bite will release a poison, which will spread through your blood and it will set off a molecular change in your cells. It will be excruciatingly painful”, she explains with a steady and flat voice. Unaffected. Steeled. It's all an act._

_Laura´s eyes flicker down to the floor for a moment. When they look up at Carmilla's again, nothing has changed in them._

_“Will it happen quickly?”. Carmilla looks at her, waiting for a continuation to that, for the penny to drop. When those brown eyes stay fixed at her without Laura seeming to understand the importance of the words, a bitter laugh rolls of Carmilla's tongue. It´s low and harsh, burning as it makes its way through her throat. “Why are you laughing?”, the young girl´s voice is filled with annoyance and perhaps humiliation as well. It wouldn't be the first time Carmilla picked up on those dark shades in those brown eyes, it's one of negatives effects of her cold ways - her reaction can be taken as a superior one._

_“Because your precious pop culture got it all wrong, sweetheart”, Carmilla answers as she sits down on the edge of her own bed. She knows that she'll have to spell it out for her, that she has to be perfectly clear, brutal even, so that Laura has no chance to misinterpret anything. It hurts though. Like something slowly burning her palms, leaving blistered patches of skin behind and cutting deeper into the flesh of her hands by the second. It hurts because she knows how it feels. She will never forget her own screams and the sound of her own heart coming to a stop._

_She will never be able to forget._

_Neither of them will._

_“No matter how fast I… it does not just_ happen _. It is not like chugging a beer. I cannot drink all of your blood within minutes, it takes time and in that moment every second will feel like another hour”, she tries her hardest to choose the right words, the ones that will make the biggest impact on the young girl sitting in front of her. Nineteen years. How in the world will she understand the fundamental pain of leaving this world and then being jerked back into it, into a body that will betray her, into a mind that partially will trick her into doing the worst things possible. So she draws in a breath, a breath that is but only a memory of something she once needed. Then she says it, the things that could potentially change everything, “you are going to beg me to stop. You will try to slip out of my grip, push, kick and hit me with all your force, but you will have none. I will not stop drinking. I cannot stop drinking. With every passing second your body will begin to feel heavier, your mind is going to feel blocked and after a while everything will go numb”._

_Carmilla's eyes has avoided Laura's, but when that last word falls off her tongue she has to look up. Her gaze finds Laura's brow still furrowed, now in that cute little way they are when she's trying to figure something out, hands in her lap, shoulders sagging. She's so young, Carmilla thinks and it hurts her so much. The thought of Laura and that pain, it's unthinkable yet here they are. It hurts. That is all Carmilla understands as she presses her open burning palms to her thighs, trying her best not to soothe the ache by reaching out and touching the only thing that will help. Because she can't touch Laura in this moment. She just cannot jeopardize her taking it all in just because she needs her._

_“Then it won´t hurt anymore?”, Laura asks after another minute of silence. Her eyes meet Carmilla's fully._

_Carmilla can already see them fall into darkness under her own hands._

_“The numbness lasts for seconds in comparison to the feeling of your limbs being ripped off your body, one by one. After the numbness your heart will slow down. Your brain will shut down first, then the rest of your organs. You will be dead. When the poison has spread through your whole body the change will slowly begin. It can take up to a fortnight before it is completed”._

_Now it's out there. Hanging onto thin air. Blocking Carmilla from slipping over to the other bed. Stopping her from ending the vibrating ache shooting through her body._

_She watches as the words slowly sink into the younger girl, then the confusion finds its way back to those brown eyes._

_“Hang on, you said that the poison spreads through my blood”, Laura begins and Carmilla hoped and dreaded that she would catch onto what she knows Laura is about to ask her._

_“Yes”._

_“But if there's no blood, then what-”, Laura´s voice falls short. Her brows are knitted tightly before they smooth out. Those brown eyes shoot up and fix at Carmilla's, they flash with irritation for a moment before they are filled with fear. Now you know, Carmilla thinks and feels her nails dig into her thighs. “Carmilla, what happens if you-”, she interrupts herself with a silent gasp as it all falls into place._

_Carmilla licks her lips, takes one second to prepare herself._

_“You will die and there is nothing in this world that can bring you back”. Laura´s shoulders sag yet some more and Carmilla has to restrain herself from jumping over to the other bed and hold the younger girl. She cannot touch her, not yet, there are still things she needs to say. “I have to drain you. For the poison to have a successful effect I will have to drain you”, she says and her voice may seem steady, but it takes all of her supernatural power to not hiss them out like the poison_ they _are. It takes all of her patience and strength to not let the memory of the pain consume her. “There are no guaranties to this, Laura”._

_It's an understatement._

_During her lifetime she has witnessed many attempts at creating another one of her kind. She has only been witness to one successful change and_  he _turned his back on her, even though she was the one that fought for his innocence. Mother never cared about that, all she wanted was power and that was gained through investing in reckless creations. She has lived lifetimes after lifetimes, seen a new age been built up from ashes, watched human turn on human, countries shake under the hand of tyrants, yet nothing has ever compared to the raid of emotions that were evoked by this girl. Nothing compares to what Laura makes her think, dream and hope for. Carmilla doesn't even remember the last time she had any hope for anything before Laura._

_“That´s why you didn´t change her”._

_Carmilla doesn't even react at first, too caught up in her own thoughts, but then the words hit her like a slap to the face. A hard slap. She hasn´t talked about_  her _in a long time, since that night she told Laura everything, but even then, after promising to be honest and open about it all, she just couldn´t tell the young girl about_  that. _Not that she still loved_ her _, she didn't and she doesn't. She couldn't tell Laura about it because it was too early. It was too early to tell her that she had had the chance to save_ her _, that if the change had been successful,_  she  _might still have been alive. Carmilla couldn't tell her that. She could not tell Laura about how she could have offered_  her  _something different, _because even though it had been too many years than she'd like to think about some part of her still feels guilty for__ her _ _death_._

 _Carmilla was young back then, young in this new form, young in the years she had spent as a creature of the night, young in the years she had been a puppet controlled by Mother. She was too young, knew too little, but she could have offered_  her  _something new. Carmilla knows though that it wouldn't have ended any differently,_  she  _would have died and it would have been all Carmilla´s fault._

_Not any different from how it actually ended._

_“I do not want to lose you”, Carmilla exhales as tears prick at her eyes, not heavy enough to break through her guard, but enough in numbers to make her reflection of a breath turn shaky. Her eyes have found their way back to the floor, so she can´t see Laura moving at first, but then her feet appear in front of her and then the mattress gives in a little as she sits down next to Carmilla. Laura´s hand slips in through the gap between Carmilla´s arm and side and her arm hooks with Carmilla's, her fingers lace together with Carmilla´s. Yet again, Carmilla exhales and it's far from steady._

_Laura places her head on Carmilla's shoulder, sighs as she squeezes her fingers together._

_“You won't”, she says and Carmilla is starting to believe her. Or maybe it's just that stupid hope that has started to rub off on her. Then to lips press against her cheek, they linger there and leave a burning mark as Laura leans back again to place her head back on Carmilla's shoulder. It´s a satisfying burn. “I won't let you”._

* * *

She has been wearing that batwing every day. It was none negotiable, a part of the deal and the one thing Carmilla made sure the young girl kept every single day.

It has little, close to nothing, to do with the fear of her ending up in the hands of yet another of Carmilla's kind. No. It is all about the fact that Carmilla knows what she does to Laura simply by being close to her. She knows the effects of her mere presence, how everything about her is magnetic, electric, addictive. She knows how easily Laura would give herself up without hesitation, without asking how or why, even without expecting to live afterwards if she had no protection.

Since that night Carmilla´s mind has practically been occupied by those thoughts; how easy it would be to have her, to take her and give nothing in return. Since that night she found Laura in the hands of her brother, her vindictive and ruthless brother, she's been even more aware of her movements. Every time Laura has touched her, even if it has been by accident, Carmilla has counted the seconds and watched for any abnormal reaction from Laura's side. Carmilla knows how to restrain herself, but that doesn't mean that it's easy. It is far from easy. Sometimes she's pretty sure that it's Laura who got _her_  under a spell.

Maybe her own emotions has put her under one.

It's been decades since someone made Carmilla feel anything, years and years since somebody could even make her stop for a moment and think twice about her actions. That in itself is a great change. It´s all of those thoughts that have kept her up at night even after she convinced Laura to wear the bracelet.

They won´t give her any peace.

Carmilla watches, silently, as Laura moves around the room, picking up clothes here and there, putting them into Carmilla's green shuffle bag. They've been staying at this Bed and Breakfast for the last three days, spent most of their time watching old black and white movies and occasionally going out to get something to eat. Luckily the vending machine in the reception was stored for a nuclear war and it had some pretty good chocolate cookies. The Bed and Breakfast is located in the eastern part of Lower Austria, not far from the town of Klosterneuburg. Close enough to be in range of the civilization, though still as far away enough so that they could disappear into the thick woods when they feel like it. They have been waiting it out, the storm that is. It has been pouring down for the last couple of days, nonstop. The wind has been brutal and ravaging along by the rain that has threatened to wash everything away. They have been waiting it out, or more like Laura has been waiting it out. Carmilla gave her two months, merely eight weeks, and if she still was sure and Carmilla still wanted to then they would do it.

Tomorrow marks the day when it's been eight weeks and Laura is packing.

She hasn't changed her mind.

Carmilla doesn't want her to.

She watches her and with every new piece of clothing she packs away, Carmilla's cold and stilled heart jerks awake for a split second. She's ready. Yet she's far from being ready for this. How in the world is she supposed to be ready for this, to kill the love of her life and then wait by her body to see if she'll come back to her. _If_  she comes back. That world as its own echo and it resonates in Carmilla's body like the distant sound of a drum. She sighs as she pushes of the bed frame to lay down over the bed on her stomach, placing her chin on her folded arms in front of her.

A soft breeze of Laura's perfume brushes by her when Laura walks past the bed.

The young girl has her hair in her messy bun, something she has more often now than before after Laura triumphantly discovered that it was one of the things Carmilla couldn't stand. She does it to tease Carmilla, and Carmilla knows it. Her bottom lip is already caught in between her teeth at first sight of Laura's slender neck, she knows how soft the skin is and how Laura will melt in her hands if she brushes her fangs ever so gently against that spot below her ear. She has to give herself some credit for not giving in at first sight.

It's things like that that makes the thoughts bearable.

It's because of the promise of being challenged and teased every day for as long as this earth exists that makes Carmilla believe that this is right. It might be an easy way out of feeling guilty, but at this point feeling guilty or not doesn't really matter. Not for either of them anyway. Carmilla has already spent too many years feeling guilty for losing one love, she _will not_  lose the _one_  love too. She will not make the same mistake twice. Yet again, she can only do that much and then fate will be back in control and Carmilla has never believed in something as fictional as fate.

Then, Laura looks up as she folds one of many of Carmilla's shirts, those brown eyes find Carmilla's and Carmilla doesn't care. She doesn't care about fate or the existence of the world, all of what she is can be found in this room and all of that belongs to the girl with a pair of bright eyes and a tender smile.

Laura scoffs playfully and Carmilla's heart jumps, cold as it may be it still knows when something, or someone, really means something.

* * *

_"In what way is that supposed to make me feel better?!"_

_She's yelling. Carmilla rarely raises her voice, she often turns her words into a knife sharp hiss instead of resulting into yelling. Yet, here she is and she's yelling. At a pissed off Laura. Furious might be a better word to describe her current state of mind._

_They have been at it for less than fifteen minutes. They didn't need more than a few exchanges of seemingly tame sentences for the spark to lit the anger and now the flames are burning bright and red in both of their eyes. Luckily Laura's father went out for the day to do some errands, otherwise he would have been the awkward audience to this argument. Really, that is all that is missing from turning this into a real circus._

_"What do you want me to say?", Laura replies and struggles to keep her voice down._

_Carmilla's hands have already turned into fists and her knuckles flash white. She rubs her closed hands over her thighs, pressing hard, to keep them from twitching. Only Laura can push her to this, get her into this unstable situation where the animal in her tries to get the hold of her. Her eyes are fixed at the carpet and a particularly nasty burn mark next to the table, someone must have dropped a candle or something. She cannot look up. She cannot look at Laura while she's trying to get back in control, while a pulse she shouldn't have is pounding in her ears and the blood in her veins that is cold from not feeding in days is practically boiling. She cannot look at her, because if she does then there are no guarantees that she'll be able to contain herself without doing something bad, something that will potentially leave new marks on Mr Hollis' carpet._

_"Not that, that is for sure"._

_"So what, I'm not allowed to be honest". The young girl almost falls forward with those words, rage pouring out of her, like she's ready to take a shot at Carmilla who's still sitting on the couch, hunched over her own body. "Don't you want me to tell you what I want?!"._

_"No!" Carmilla flies up from her seat. Her upper lip is pulled back, showing off her fangs. When she exhales it comes out as a low hiss. Every single one of her nails are digging into her thighs, leaving half-moon marks all over her the tense muscles under the thin fabric of her jeans. Laura doesn't flinch at the sight of her. At the sight of her in_  this _form, partially human, partially beast._

_"Why are you so against this?", Laura asks, her voice now back to somewhat less harsh. Carmilla can´t answer. The words won´t find her. "Is it because of Will?". Carmilla sees red, even more so at that name. She can hear the slight race of Laura´s pulse. If she focuses she'll smell the coppery scent of her blood as it flow through her veins, fast and warm. Her lip twitches and her throat vibrates with a silent purr. Laura´s eyes follow the length of Carmilla's body and if Carmilla would be able to lift her gaze from the younger girl´s throat she'd be able to see the realization in those brown eyes. "Carmilla"._

_Laura takes a step forward and Carmilla has to steel herself with all of her force to not jump her._

_"Stay away from me”, she grunts and there's nothing calm or soft about those words. They are a warning. The next set of words that should follow won´t break through to leave her lips, but Laura doesn't need to hear them - she can already see them written all over Carmilla's face._

_If it wasn't her, Carmilla wouldn't be able to help herself. She would have sunk her teeth into the other girl´s neck and brought her down under her to settle the screaming thirst inside of her already._

_"You won't hurt me. I know you won't"._

_"Laura-"._

_"Remember how you told me about the first time you transformed", the young girl interrupts, completely ignoring the way her name is pressed through gritted teeth. Carmilla allows herself to nod, she can manage that movement even in this state although that too is a stretch. "You said that it made you feel everything at once. You said that it heighten your senses even more than before, that you could hear and smell things you wouldn´t been able to later on. It was the ultimate peak and it allowed you to be so much more, the sensation_ made _you so much more", Laura continues without any hesitation in her voice or posture. "You told me that you needed to kill. Not that you wanted to, it was a need that came from somewhere within you. So you killed everyone that crossed your path without hesitating. Until you had ran straight through the town and back to the mansion where you found-"._

 _"Claire". The name is sweet on the tip of Carmilla's tongue. Sweet and tender. It makes her shoulders sink ever so slightly, letting her take that one breath she doesn't need and the_ only _thing that makes her feel back in control again._

 _"Yeah. She was your maid's daughter, right? They were the closest thing you had to a family", Laura says and Carmilla listens,_  really _listens. Her nails retract from pressing into her skin, leaving small and bleeding puncture holes over her thighs. "You had killed dozens that night, but when you found her, a child you could have killed within the blink of an eye, you stopped. Why did you stop, Carm?"._

_Carmilla exhales. Every single bit of that tension her body was possessed by is pulled out of her through that one breath. Her eyes shut and she feels as though her body is on the verge of giving in, but she's still standing when she flickers her eyes open again._

_"Because I adored that little girl", she answers and when their eyes meet all Carmilla sees is freedom. Since the day she woke at the break of dawn, covered in her own dried up blood, aching limbs, that thriving thirst for killing and relishing in it as well, she hasn't felt free. The anger and loneliness held her chained to the animal inside of her. Even though she has experienced warmth and joy over the years, she couldn´t get rid of that beast that wanted to live out every nightmare known and unknown to man. Not until this moment. Not until someone she_  loved _cared enough to step in the way, cared enough to dare to force her out of that state the only way possible. Not until she was snapped out of it with kind words and still movements. "Laura"._

_The young girl shakes her hands in front of her, but takes a step closer. "Don't say it. I'm sorry. I know that you're worried and that you don't want to talk about that night, but I want to get over it and the best way to do it is to face it". Carmilla meets her halfway, reaches out to touch her, to settle that tug at her chest. Laura´s hand is warm, comforting, as it holds onto Carmilla´s with the same pressure. "I want to do it", the young girl says and Carmilla sighs. She knows that they won't leave this argument without one of them giving in and Laura is just as bad as Carmilla. Neither of them will let it go unless they find a compromise that suits the both of them. Laura laces their fingers together and tugs Carmilla closer to her, enough so that their chests are touching. "Carmilla. Take me there", she whispers and there's no question in her voice._

_"If I do, you will have to promise me something", Carmilla replies as she leans up to caress that sweet and young face. Her heart jumps as she feels the heated skin under her fingers, skin heated by anger, anger that she caused._

_"Okay", Laura answers as she leans into the touch._

_"No, not okay. You need to promise me that you will do it"._

_Laura´s brows knit together at that. "As long as it's not what I think it is"._

_"Promise me, Laura. Promise me and I will take you with me", Carmilla persists and caresses Laura's cheek with her thumb with long and slow strokes. Laura searches her gaze for an answer, but comes out just as empty handed as before. When she sighs the air brushes against Carmilla's face._

_"Alright, I promise. What do you want me to do?"._

_"Wait. Give it three months. Come October and you have not changed your mind, then I will give you the bite"._

_It's the only thing she could think of. The only thing she wanted from the young girl._

_"Deal", Laura is quick to answer, but then she bites her lip and Carmilla's eyes flicker down to it. The young girl worries that lip for another moment before releasing it, letting Carmilla's eyes find their way back up to Laura´s. "On one condition", the brunette says and Carmilla can't help but smirk. Of course she couldn't get off that easy. It would almost be disappointing if she could._

_"This is not negotiable"._

_"You don't understand", Laura replies as her gaze falls down, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth. Carmilla has to restrain herself from reaching out and capturing that smile with her lips. "I will keep my promise. I'll wait three months, but if something has changed before that then we don't do it"._

_"What do you mean by 'something'?", Carmilla asks, very confused by Laura´s choice of words._

_When the young girl finally looks back up, her gaze is filled with tender love. The kind of love only that those whose hope has not been crushed by the world can emanate._

_"If you have changed your mind during those three months, then you can't give me the bite no matter how much I beg and try to convince you", Laura says and Carmilla leans back to take a closer look at the girl in front of her, unsure of whether or not she heard those words leave her lips or if she just imagined it, but Laura tugs her right back and even closer than before. With their chests now flushed together she continues, "I don't want it if you don't want to give it to me"._

_Carmilla's eyes are fixed at Laura´s. They don´t need to flicker down to her lips. Kissing her couldn't compare to the intimacy they share in this moment and Carmilla lets it take over her whole being, human or beast. Then her lips form a small smile, that one smile she reserves for Laura alone. When she leans in Laura follows and as they close their eyes they stand flushed together, chest against chest, forehead pressed to forehead, exhaling breaths like that's the only air their lungs can breathe, holding onto each other with gentle hands and arms._

_The unsaid 'I love you' hangs in the air between them._

_Carmilla has heard the words coming from Laura's lips so many times by now that she doesn't need to hear them to know what they sound like. They have the same effect no matter what. So instead she gives her silence to the young girl and just breathes with her, letting the both of them just be with one another in this moment._

* * *

Her hand is steady. Steady and slow as it slips off the bracelet of her wrist. They have gone through this, step by step, over and over again until Laura could retell the whole thing word for word as if Carmilla was the one talking. Carmilla wanted to prepare her as thoroughly as possible, especially when it came to the worse parts. She needed to make sure that when they would be in that moment, Laura would know what comes next, when one feeling turns into the opposite, when she starts to fight for her life and cries out for help. Carmilla _needed_  to hear the words come from her and not only from her own mouth, so that she knew _herself_  what would happen.

The young girl places the batwing on the nightstand, only to fold her hands in her lap. Carmilla watches her with careful eyes, waiting for something else to happen. When Laura exhales and lets her shoulders slump down. She lifts her gaze up to meet Carmilla´s and there´s no hesitation mixed in with that beautiful brown shade.

Neither of them say it.

There's no need to.

Laura just gets up and walks over to the door, she flips the lights off and opens the door on ajar. Carmilla's fingers grab the keychain off the bedcovers, as she approaches the door Laura slips out. Carmilla closes the door behind them, makes sure that it´s locked properly, before turning to the other girl. They don´t say it, but it's there - the anticipation, the worry, excitement, love, fear. Only the wind breaks the silence as it tugs at the building, making the walls creak. As they leave the floor Carmilla's hand lands on the small of Laura´s back, it's only a gentle touch yet it´s all they need and it´s _needed_  for the effects to start kicking in. Every little touch will help to break down the lasting block the bracelet put up.

It´s a half an hour drive out to the spot Carmilla found on the map where they will be well out of range for anyone to hear them.

Laura´s hand is holding onto Carmilla's the whole way, not letting go even when Carmilla needs to shift gears. They manage it though. The silence is not heavy or pressing. It's almost nice to not talk after all the talking they´ve been doing. Carmilla feels the slow rise of Laura´s pulse, body temperature and the way her body leans closer into her the further from the Bed and Breakfast they get. She knows that when they stop Laura won´t feel any of the effects anymore. It's better that way, at least it will help her to not feel as scared. Even though Laura has argued that she isn't scared, that she won't be in that moment, Carmilla knows from experience that _that_  never lasts - when the curtain falls the young girl will be a dear in front of a couple of headlights, frightened out of her mind.

Carmilla pulls the car to a stop at the rest area. She slumps back in the seat, eyes fixed in front of her, not even looking out to see if there is by any chance someone else in the area.

“Hey”. Laura squeezes Carmilla's hand, trying to draw attention to herself. Carmilla's chest falls as she exhales a breath she most definitely been holding for a few more minutes than humanly possible. “Look at me, Carm”, Laura tells her and she obliges. A small smile is displayed on the young girl´s lips. “You okay?”.

“I have not changed my mind”, Carmilla answers.

“That wasn't what I asked”.

Her chest falls yet again and with it she laughs quietly. Sometimes the young girl surprises her with her unique way of seeing through Carmilla like she´s a merely made by glass.

“Yes”, Carmilla says as she nods. Laura eyes her and Carmilla reaches up with the other hand that isn't trapped in Laura´s grip and caresses that soft cheek. “I am okay, cupcake”.

Laura leans into the touch and Carmilla can't tell if it's because she wants to or if she has no choice in the matter. The young girl exhales and then places a lingering kiss to Carmilla's wrist. Her lips are still connected to Carmilla's porcelain skin as she whispers, “alright. Should we go?”.

Carmilla nods, but doesn't move away. If this is one of the last moments they'll ever have, she wants to cherish it as best she can. Though, they should get going so that they´re there before dark. There's still a bit to walk before they reach the spot.

As soon as they're out of the car Laura´s attached to Carmilla's side, one arm around her waist, holding them pressed to each other. Carmilla places her arm over the younger girl´s shoulder, occasionally stroking over her collarbone and teasing the hem of her t-shirt. Laura´s skin soon cools down from the chilly wind although she's wearing one of her thickest coats. Still, every time Carmilla´s finger brushes against that naked skin, lets them linger a little before moving them to another spot, she feels the warmth under the skin. She knows that when it comes down to it the young girl´s body will be burning under her hands even though her skin might be ice cold.

After half a mile of walking slow and close, Laura's hand begins to tug even harder onto Carmilla's side and when the brunette places her head in an awkward position with her head on Carmilla's shoulder, Carmilla´s supposition is confirmed as right. So she takes a left and hurries up her steps for the remaining quarter a mile until they reach the clearing.

They gone through this, step by step.

Carmilla stops and brings Laura in front of her, holds her tightly to her chest as her hands stroke up and down the younger girl´s back. If she was given the choice to remain like this forever, she would. Nothing makes her as safe and at _home_  than this girl does. Maybe for another moment they can allow themselves to feel safe with one another, with the world, until it's ripped from their arms. Carmilla has to give herself that, because it might be the last time she feels like giving something precious to herself.

Soft lips brush against the crook of her neck, sending shivers down her spine. Laura´s touch has always had that effect on her. No matter if it has been provoked by her very presence or because Laura simply wanted to touch her.

She lets it happen.

She lets those lips torture her neck and up her jaw, until they're pressing desperately against Carmilla´s. A small gasp escapes her as Laura´s tongue reaches out to part her lips and she lets it, she lets herself relish in the sweet taste of Laura, of how that young girl´s hands tangle in her hair, how her nails scratch at Carmilla's scalp. She lets it fill them up and she pushes just as hard as Laura.

The kiss turns into more. Turns into hands clawing at any piece of clothing they get their hands on. Turns into Laura pressed up against a tree with one leg twisted around Carmilla's waist. She pushes Laura´s coat out of the way, but traps it between Laura´s back and the stem of the tree as she lifts the young girl up. Their hips flushed together, pulling sounds of pleasure of both of them, but it´s not enough by any means. Not enough pressure. Nor hard enough. When Laura bites down on Carmilla's bottom lip, sucking at it hard and then letting it go with a soft hum at the back of her throat, Carmilla can literally feel her fangs behind her upper lip. The hunger that rapidly makes her mind pay more and more attention to Laura´s pulse instead of her movements matches the growing heat in her abdomen.

At this point Carmilla doesn't care if it´s Laura kissing her or the result of Carmilla's taunting hands.

All she wants is to bring Laura to the point where it won´t hurt as much. To the point where it won´t hurt _her_  as much to see the love of her life die in her own arms.

So she slips her right hand from Laura´s thigh to the waistband of her jeans, she unbuttons them as she catches Laura´s mouth in a bruising kiss. Her fingers are in her underwear, meeting the wet and warmth with eagerness, drawing a tremble from the young girl´s lips. At that first moan when Laura no longer can keep herself from only holding onto Carmilla's neck without tearing at her hair and skin, Carmilla hisses long and low. The second one is louder and Carmilla urge it on with a sudden thrust of two fingers into Laura. The third is a whisper of Carmilla´s name as the young girl pulls Carmilla's head into crook of her neck, nails scraping into her skull like tiny knives. There´s an instinctual reflex that makes Carmilla draw her upper lip back and widen her jaws. It´s a choice to pull back ever so slightly from the girl´s neck and that racing pulse beneath the skin. A aching choice, but she wants another second. Just one more second. Though she can help but reach forward with her tongue and taste the young girl´s skin. Once again she hisses at the dizzying smell of warm and fresh blood.

“Do it”, Laura says, voice much lower than usual and heavy from being out of breath. She encourages Carmilla with a tilt of her head to the side to give Carmilla better access.

They´ve gone through this, step by step, more times than Carmilla thinks she can remember.

They went through this.

Yet when her fangs penetrates the skin of Laura´s neck simultaneously as she curls her fingers inside of her she's not prepared for the wave of pleasure that hits her. All of the worrying and anticipation explodes inside of her, setting off a rush of heat flowing through her whole body. She gulps at the young girl´s neck, tries her hardest to keep it at a steady and slow rhythm, but she tastes so good. Like something that should never be experienced. It´s all of the talking and planning, looking to the future with open eyes and bright minds. It´s all of that _love_  that keeps her from falling over, from bringing them both down to the mossy ground, even though her body is shaking in ecstasy. Her fingers keep up their work, thrusting and stroking, carefully tending to all of Laura´s sensitive spots.

They´ve gone through it, all of it, time and time again.

Still, after what feels like standing at the top of the mountain and looking out over the world with no worries at all, Carmilla notices the smallest of changes in Laura's body. First, how her hands let go of their tight grip at her hair, only to grip even tighter. Secondly, the way she tries to lift herself off of Carmilla's fingers, only to rock back again. Thirdly, how she lets go completely of Carmilla's neck and starts to push at her shoulders. Fourth, her quiet whine followed by a high pitched one. After that follows the rest of the changes like dominoes, she squirms, she pushes, she starts to cry, then she begins to hit.

It´s at this point that Carmilla abandons Laura´s underwear and grips tightly at her thigh to keep her at place, pressing the other girl´s body even harder against the stem of the tree. Laura´s trapped and there's no way for her to escape. At least not if Carmilla decides to hold her there. Still, it hurts to feel the powerless slaps and hits at her upper body and face. Laura claws at her neck, tries to push Carmilla's face away from her own pounding throat.

They gone through this.

It doesn't matter, Carmilla still feels like a murdered when she locks the young girl´s arms above her head to keep her from hitting her again. She drinks and drinks, tries to block out the screams, screams that not even form any words at all. It's all just noises and desperation.

It doesn't matter because no matter how many times Carmilla tells herself that it's working, that everything will be fine when Laura comes back, she still feels like she's killing the only good thing in her life.

It takes so long, too long. She´s doing something wrong, she knows it. It shouldn't be like this. She's never done this before. Why did they do this. Her mind rushes with thoughts and guilt, doubts and stupid _stupid_  hope, but that is all she has left - hope. She must believe that this is going to work, otherwise she has truly killed the only one she have wanted in forever.

When the screams stops, Carmilla doesn't know. Nor does she know what to do when Laura's body suddenly slumps down over her. She's so taken by surprise so that she steps back and then falls to the side, bringing Laura down with her. She can´t stop, not yet, she knows that much. So she drinks and drinks until she can merely draw drops from the young girl's neck, only then does she stop and lean back. What her eyes find will forever be imprinted on her mind. The young girl is pale. Her vibrant eyes are staring emptily up to the sky and her lips are parted like in a silent cry.

“Laura?”.

There's no answer.

There shouldn't be one.

Yet, the quiet has never left Carmilla as impatient as it does in this moment.

* * *

_The streets are quiet, waiting for the sun to appear over the horizon any minute now, ready to welcome a new day all over again._

_Laura got her hands in her pockets, eyes looking down at the pavement, brows furrowed in thought. Carmilla can't stop looking at her. Maybe because she's waiting for a reaction or comment. Most definitely because she's so breathtakingly beautiful. Her brown long hair is sprawled over her shoulders, two strands pulled back and twisted on each side of her head and connected at the back of her head with hairpins. It's been a long night, yet tired looks good on her. Carmilla can only imagine a handful of things that looks bad on her lover, all of which are shades of loss. She keeps her respectful distance, even though she would rather hold the young girl´s hand or have her own on the small of Laura´s back._

_They´ve been walking for the last thirty minutes during complete silence. It's not awkward, just_ calm. _Carmilla doesn't know if it's the kind of calm that appears before a storm or not. She hopes on the latter._

_“Can I ask you something?”._

_Carmilla looks over at Laura, expects to find her gaze but it's still following the ground._

_“Have I ever stopped you”, Carmilla tries, but the other girl doesn't laugh. Her don't even twitch a little. “Of course you can ask me something. Anything”._

_She watches Laura lick her lips, slowly, and her biceps flexes as if she's tensing up. Sometimes Carmilla almost wishes that she won't be able to notice things like that, things that makes her think that the worst things possible. Right now for example._

_“After that night when all that with Will happened, I came back to the dorm, you were in the bathroom and I was just going to go to bed and not think of it ever again”, she says and Carmilla's hands turn into fists at his name. I should have killed him, she thinks. She always thinks that. Always will. “But then I saw some blood on your pillowcase, so I turned it over and blood was smeared all over the pillow”. Laura´s eyes shoot up at that and they are filled with soul breaking confusion, maybe even understanding on some deep level that she doesn't know she might reach if she would think of the possibilities. Carmilla realizes what Laura´s about to ask her and there's no way to get out of this. She has to tell her. She should have told her already. “I wanted to ask you about it, but when you came out from the bathroom you looked so angry and… ruined. So I didn´t. That night when I took your hand as you turned over in your sleep and put your arm around me, I felt the healing wounds on your palms and down your wrist”. Carmilla nods. The younger girl stops below a streetlight, the yellowed light falls over them and when Laura turns fully to face Carmilla her face is shaded. Those brown eyes though are just as bright as ever before and still as confused too. “Carmilla, what happened after I went out that night?”, she asks and Carmilla scoffs._

_“We have just been to a club, a_  rave, _filled with vampires and their human blood bags as I was waiting for you to call them, but this is what you want to ask me”._

_It's almost hilarious._

_Almost._

_“I care about you. Not them. They are not mine. You are”, Laura replies with ease to her voice. Every word rings with the warmth of a cherished and partially painful memory. It was one of those nights Carmilla would like to forget, but at the same time it's one of those memories she'd never give up voluntarily. They spread warmth through her body nevertheless. “Tell me”, Laura urges and Carmilla turns her face away from the brunette._

_This is not something she wanted to talk about tonight._

_“I was angry”, she says as she forces her hands to relax at her sides. “William got away and I could not give him what he deserved after what he did to you. I was just so angry. I wanted to kill”. It´s a confession, one she must emphasize so that Laura can´t ever forget that within Carmilla that beast lures and will appear if provoked. “I wanted to kill him so much, but I could not. I wanted to kill and I was angry, there is no way for me to control that anger. At least I had no way to get out of that tunnel vision. You got me through it at your father's, you got me through it Laura, but you would never have been able to do it_ that _night. I did what I could to keep myself from doing something reckless”. Carmilla sighs as she turns her hands under that yellow light, lets her fingers trace the healed wounds that never left any scars. At least not on the outside. Every time she does it, new scars form on her already wrecked soul, but there's no other way._

_“What did you do?”._

_Carmilla can feel the younger girl´s eyes on her, trying to get her attention, but she can't give her what she wants because all Laura would see is pain and vulnerability._

_“I hurt myself”._

_“Carm”, her name is a gasp on Laura's lips and Carmilla forces herself to meet that brown gaze. When she sees the sadness in those eyes she takes a step towards her, not close enough to touch her, but close enough to show that she´s here, that she´s open._

_“It healed. It always heals. The pain takes of the edge for long enough for me to get back in control”, she explains. It's the first time she talks about it. Over the years Carmilla has seen a lot of way other people deal with those kind of emotions, human or not, but a lot of them end up giving in to the anger or lust for blood. All of those years as also taught Carmilla that she doesn't want to be one of those people. If she could do anything about it she wouldn't want to prove on others to get rid of her own pain. “Are you crying? Why are you crying?”, she asks as Laura draws a shaky breath._

_“Because it was my fault”, the young girl sobs and Carmilla looks at her wide eyed. “You hurt yourself because I trusted Will and he… he tried to kill me, so you hurt yourself”._

_“Laura, no stop. Do not think like that. I did not do it because of you”, Carmilla answers and wraps her arms around the other girl, holding her close to her chest and stroking up and down her back. “Please stop crying”, she whispers into the brown curls that smells of musk and vanilla. That scent of vanilla is one of many things Carmilla has started to associate with the other girl. The musk is but only a result of being in that basement for a couple of hours, it's supposed to mask the smell of blood when you're down there and it easily sticks to your clothes or hair._

_Laura doesn´t stop. Her tears stain Carmilla´s shirt and the crook of her neck. “If I hadn´t… Carmilla, I'm so sorry”._

_Carmilla just holds her. Holds her until she´s not shaking anymore. Only then she leans back to look at Laura´s now glassy gaze. The young girl´s cheeks are covered in smeared out mascara. She's beautiful, that is all Carmilla can think._

_“I might not always like the choices you make…or the way things turned out…but I think it would be infinitely more tragic if you let that stop you from trying…if you let it turn you into me”. Laura exhales heavily and the air is hot on Carmilla's cheeks. “You are a trusting person. It is one of many sides of you that make you the person you are, the person who I am inevitably in love with”, she whispers, struggling to not kiss her to prove that every word coming from her lips are true. Only true to Laura. “I love you, Laura”._

_If she could promise this girl the world, Carmilla would without a doubt._

_They walk the rest of the way back to their hotel hand in hand. If time allows it, she´ll never let go._

* * *

She found the letter on the third night.

It was enfolded in that shirt that Laura had claimed as her own not long ago - Carmilla´s favorite shit of course. She must have chosen that one because she knew that Carmilla would end up at least picking it up, just to breathe in Laura´s scent. She found the letter on the third night. She hasn't slept since then, not even for five minutes. She found _that_  one letter she told Laura not to write, practically begged her not to. That girl always had a mind of her own. Still though, Carmilla had hoped that she could have listened to her just this one time.

She's been holding out in their room in the Bed and Breakfast. Laura´s body neatly tucked in with blankets, placed under the little coffee table in front of the window, out of sight from anyone passing by. The weather has gone back to being terrible. The rain patters against the roof. It soothing. Carmilla would go insane if she had to listen to the quiet. After getting to know Laura and spending every wake minute, and all others too, with her a lasting quiet is something she has had to live without. She didn't even know that she would resent it this much, but since the rain came and lifted that extra pressure off her chest she realized that it was true.

It's been five days and the only thing she wants so to hear _that_  voice again.

That voice that promised that she would come back.

That they would have their forever.

It's been five days and Carmilla is about to lose her mind.

Carmilla has retired to sitting on the floor, leaning back against the foot of the bed, her legs stretched out before her and the letter lying open next to her. She's read it too many times already, can probably recite it word by word if she brings herself to read through it once more. It would be karma - making sure that Laura can retell every step of the change and then end up memorizing something just as horrible herself. Horrible isn't the right word to describe it, but it's close enough. At least it doesn't give any hope which is exactly what Carmilla's lacking right now. In all of her years as a human and then a supernatural being she has never felt this drained, out of energy, optimism, light, life. Losing Ell was harsh, brutal and left scars. It made Carmilla believe that life is nothing but pain and loss. It made her hate her mother, go on a killing spree and then end up turning into the animal she swore to never become.

Losing Laura was ripping up her core and leaving it there, open for all the darkness to thrive on her inside.

Losing Laura is killing her all over again.

If it wasn't for that letter she might be coping with this. If it wasn´t for all the _if´s_  and _when´s_ , then maybe she wouldn't be this close to breaking down and breaking down leads to letting the darkness in. That same darkness that Laura made her promise not to let take over her, to not give into when it screams for her to take as many lives as it takes to add up to the one she has taken already. Problem is, no number of lives could add up to worth of Laura´s. So Carmilla would have to keep going for the rest of her existence, without ever looking back. Yet, she promised Laura not to go off so she won´t. At least she promised to try to _not_  go off on one and promises are easily broken when _she´s_  not here to keep an eye on her.

The first time she hears a little huff, she believes that it comes from the vent in the ceiling. It´s been going on and off for the last couple of hours. Must be because of the heavy pouring.

The second time she looks up at the vent with furrowed brows, only to find it humming like normally. She´s so far down into doubting so that she doesn´t even think of the possibility. Not even for a second. Until a third huff follows by a silent whisper.

“C-arm”.

It´s in her head, that is her first thought. Her second is a loud ‘thank you’ to whatever god there might be in this world. Then she flings herself to the side, crumbles the letter below her knee, and crawls over to the other girl. Her pale hands are shaking as they draw back the blanket and reveals an even paler face. The young girl´s lips are blue and white, her hair is dull and when those eyes open they are the definition of dead.

Still, she is _not_.

“Laura”, Carmilla cries out quietly as she runs her hands over the other girl´s face. Her fingertips meet cold skin, cold but very much not dead.

Laura´s lips form a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless. She lifts her head and looks down at her still wrapped up body.

“You tucked me in?”, she asks with a little laughter to her question.

Carmilla laughs too, heartfelt and warm as ever before. When Laura lets her head fall back and tilts it towards Carmilla, she's still smiling. Tears form behind Carmilla's eyes. She hasn't cried for years, but looking at her love, her actual _love_ , she doesn't care if she sheds enough tears to drain her whole body empty and dry.

“You were gone”, she whispers without thinking and swallows back a desperate sob. Laura´s forehead is smooth, far from furrowed. There's so much Carmilla wants to say, so much that has been going on in her head for these days and if she can´t put those thoughts into words they will tear her apart from inside. “I thought you were gone, buttercup”. Her hands are back on Laura's face, thumbs caressing her cheekbones and index fingers tracing her hairline. “You were dead”.

“I´m not anymore”, Laura quickly answers and wiggles out of the wrapping, her hand comes up weak and with much effort reflecting on her face, to cup Carmilla's neck. She pulls her down close to her own face, tangles her fingers into the roots of Carmilla's thick hair and holds her there. Those brown eyes might not be bright, but they are windows to all of the things Laura´s thinking and when they smile so does her lips. “I'm not going anywhere”, she tells Carmilla and Carmilla exhales through trembling lips.

“Promise me-”, she begins but has to lick her lips, focus on not thinking too much or too long. It there is anything they have now, it is time. Time to think long and hard, but right know all Carmilla needs to hear is that it's real. “Promise me this is not a dream”, she whispers and Laura's smile turns into a smirk.

“It might as well be, because I got my happy ending”.

A bubbling laughter breaks through the lump of tears in Carmilla's throat and when they begin to dance down her cheeks it's okay. Because they are okay. “You are a sap”.

“I love you too, Carm”, Laura answers and presses a pair of cold but still smiling lips to Carmilla's cheek, catching one of those dancing tears.

* * *

_”I do not want you to turn out like me, that is all”._

_Laura shakes her head, not something new, she's been doing it quite a lot the last hour. About as many times as Carmilla has sighed out of tired frustration, although the frustration is directed at herself and not the other girl. They´ve been talking about tomorrow, about what will happen after tomorrow and what to expect from it. Which of course lead them to Laura asking what she remembers from her own transition. Carmilla has since long sworn to be honest, both to herself and Laura, so she told her the truth. It isn't an ugly truth, simply grotesque and stomach turning._

_"What is it that makes you think so little of yourself?", Laura asks and another sigh rolls of Carmilla's tongue._

_"Laura-"._

_"I know, I know. You're a murder, a monster, a bringer of death. You're also brave, selfless, loving and the most patient person I have ever met. Dead or alive". Carmilla looks at her from where she's sitting on the coffee table. Laura´s sitting on the bed, feet comfortably on the floor and her hands open in her lap. When Carmilla doesn't answer Laura continues by saying, “and I love you. All of you"._

_"Laura"._

_"If I end up like you then...", Laura laughs and runs her left hand through her hair. Carmilla's eyes follow the motion, she can feel the strands of hair between her own fingers like the many times she's been the one running her hand through that brown hair. Laura breathes out and looks straight at her. "It wouldn't be that bad. Because you're not half as bad as you make people think. I know you Carm. I know that you are good even though you don´t show it to everyone. I don't want to do this because of that goodness in you, I want to do this_ because _of you, because you make me feel so much more than anyone else in this world. And I love you"._

_"I love you too", Carmilla replies and Laura's lips for a cute little half smile._

_"Do you want me to continue, because I definitely can, I can talk abo-", the rest of the brunette's words are silenced by Carmilla's lips. The kiss is hot and deep, filled with every emotion they share with one another. When Carmilla pulls back, only an inch, her eyes flicker open to find Laura's watching her with lust and desire. The young girl bites down on her own lip as those brown eyes shoot down to Carmilla's mouth._

_“If this is our last night together-”._

_Carmilla pulls her own shirt off of her. Shutting Laura right up. When she stands before her in only a pair of Laura´s jeans and a bra, she catches the way the young girl´s chest falls and rises a little bit quicker. She´s in Laura's lap the next second, making herself comfortable as Laura's eyes follow the length of her now slightly less covered body. “We have been talking too much”, Carmilla says as she captures that pouty bottom lip Laura released from between her teeth. Laura´s hands clutch to Carmilla´s waist as she returns every kiss with as much eagerness, fingers moving up Carmilla's sides and dragging down slowly, nails barely scratching what Laura knows is one of more sensitive skin on Carmilla's body. The response comes as quickly and rushes through Carmilla´s throat, leaving her shuddering in Laura's hands._

_Then, Laura breaks the kiss and trials her lips over Carmilla's jaw and up to her ear._

_“Take these off”, she mumbles with a husky voice as she tugs on the loops of the jeans covering Carmilla´s legs._

_Carmilla looks down at the young girl for a moment before stepping back, making a show out of pulling her pants of slowly, one leg at a time and then kicking them out of the way. She plans on keeping up the show for a moment longer, but Laura has other plans as she reaches out and pulls Carmilla on top of her again by hooking her fingers around the waistband of Carmilla´s lacy black underwear._

_She straddles Laura´s lap and tangle her hands into those long brown curls, tugging slightly to get a better angle to kiss her._

_Although, Laura stands up as her hands find Carmilla´s thighs and lock her legs around her own waist, keeping her mouth just out of reach for Carmilla to kiss her. When she places them back on the bed, now on top, she slides easily in between Carmilla's legs and smirks at the grunt that slips Carmilla's lips when some pressure is put on the right spot._

_“You like this”, Laura breathes as she lowers her whole body down on top of Carmilla´s._

_“What?”._

_“Me taking control of you”, the brunette replies before pressing a searing kiss to Carmilla's lips._

_“Do not be ridiculous”, Carmilla answers with her lips hovering over Laura´s. They kiss again and it makes Carmilla reach down to the other girl´s ass, encouraging her to rock her hips. Her own hips hitch up to meet Laura´s. “I admire it”._

_The smirk that meets her is worth all of the torture she knows Laura will put her through. It is worth it all because Laura is hers._

_When those torturing lips close around an already peaked nipple Carmilla bites down on her bottom lip, determined on not letting on how little the other girl need to do for her to turn into a begging and shaking mess. It´s too late for that already, she has seen every side of Carmilla, heard her beg in more languages than she probably remember. Determined or not, when Laura moans all by herself as she crawls lower down Carmilla's body, lips brushing against her pale and soft skin, whilst she drags her wet and hot center against Carmilla's thigh._

_“Do you remember what you told me… the first time… we spent the night together?”, Laura asks between nipping at the sensitive skin of Carmilla's inner thigh._

_“Laura”, Carmilla gasps as Laura´s teeth once again sink into her skin before soothing it with her tongue. “Please”._

_Laura jerks her head up, pupils blown wide with excitement and filled with desire. “Do you remember,_  Carmilla _?”._

_“Yes”, she grunts as her hips hitch up, but Laura sips back with a little scoff._

_“Tell me”, the young girl says and encourages her by sliding her hand up over Carmilla's abdomen, hand cupping one of her breasts. “Tell me what you said, Carmilla”._

_Carmilla throws her head back. Torture. This is only torture and even if she could easily overthrow the other girl, she doesn't even move to do so. Laura´s right - Carmilla does like this, might even hunger for it if she's been without it for a little bit too long. Her tongue licks at her lips as she tries to focus on words, words and not gasps, as Laura teases her own tongue under the waistband of Carmilla´s underwear._

_“I told you that I could stop, if you wanted me to”._

_Laura rewards her with a kiss below her belly button._

_“Well, do you”, she murmurs as she slips back onto her knees, still straddling one of Carmilla´s legs, as her hands tug at her underwear._

_“Do I what?”, Carmilla asks and thrives in the way the younger girl dips down as if not able to keep herself from touching Carmilla, to take Carmilla and all of what she is. Carmilla knows, if the roles was reversed she wouldn´t be able to._

_Those brown eyes comes up to meet hers._

_If eternity could be frozen, this is the moment Carmilla would choose._

_“Do you want me to stop?”, Laura asks._

_When Carmilla doesn't answer, the brunette crawls up her body again, carefully not touching her anywhere she knows will set Carmilla´s skin on fire, until they are face to face. The question still lingers in those brown eyes and Carmilla couldn't love her more than what she does right here, right in this moment. So she leans up and tells her, in that one kiss._

_Laura´s body falls back down on hers and it´s like giving in altogether. Their mouths are on each other's, bruising with every kiss and gasp, every moan that slips them by. Then Laura has her hand over the wet, hot center between Carmilla´s legs, pressing just enough to make Carmilla swear in ancient Greek. As two fingers are thrust into her, Laura grinds down on Carmilla´s thigh and Carmilla takes the advantage of the moment to slip her own hand into Laura´s underwear._

_“Carm”, Laura moans and eagerly meets the thrust of Carmilla's fingers._

_It´s all the answer either of them need as they fall into the same rhythm._

_It all of the pleasure Carmilla hadn´t reacted to the faint need for blood, it´s not enough to overpower her yet enough for her body to react. Her fangs are visible. Carmilla brushes them against Laura's neck, hard enough for it to sting a little but not enough to break the skin, knowing that it will send the same kind of shivers down Laura's back as those that run down Carmilla´s when the young girl breathes that heavy against her ear with Carmilla´s name lingering on her lips._

_She rocks her body against Carmilla, bringing them to the edge, together._

_It takes a couple of minutes before they crawl under the sheets, but all it gets them is the same silence as they have found themselves in a lot these last days. They have been talking, on and on, going through every detail and tried to determine the future, Yet, they can't do anything about the future when it comes down to it. So there´s nothing left to talk about. Even if Carmilla feels like that is the only thing to do when the heat of the moment as simmered down._

_Laura is warm and the definition of safety as she lays in her arms, close and near in all the ways the world allows them to be. Carmilla kisses her head and exhales heavily._

_“I will always love you, Laura. No matter if that time is restricted to years instead of centuries. I will always love you”, she whispers and listens to the way the heart in Laura's chest picks up at the words. Yet, there's still something Carmilla needs to say. It has to be said. “We do not have to do this. All of what I am is yours. My heart is yours, Laura. Nothing can ever change that”._

_“I know”, the young girl answers and Carmilla believes that that´s all, but then Laura turns in her arms and sits up on her knees with her eyes penetrating Carmilla´s. “And I will be there for every_ always _and all of your_  forevers _”. Laura smiles and the cold heart in Carmilla's chest beats, for real, hard and warm in her chest like it did once. Laura´s hand takes Carmilla's, fingers lace together and when they both look up from their joined hands, Laura´s eyes are mirrors of Carmilla´s. Carmilla changes her mind - if she could get her eternity frozen, this is the moment she would chose, now and forever. “I love you too, Carmilla”, Laura says and there's nothing else in the world she wants to hear for the rest of her life._

**Author's Note:**

> come flail on me on inspriation-feeds-creatiivity.tumblr.com


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